Watching Her Weight: 2/23- And I think to myself "What a wonderful world"

Weight Loss for the Week: 0lbs

I only got in half my workouts this week. I stayed fairly on track with points- only one real splurge for the week. I ended up busy with different meetings and trainings this week, and while they were really good, it meant I could not fit in all my daily workouts. But most of them are rare occurrences, so it’s back to the routine again. Though I may have to figure out something new for my Wednesdays. That will be determined a bit later today. Also, proud moment- I got my Girl Scout cookies on Thursday, and I still have not opened them. They are in my freezer- out of sight, mostly out of mind.

School was good this week- we only had a four-day week, and it just flew by. My Theology kids started Morality- we tried out a few different types of discussions and group work to see how each period did with them. I think I can figure out some newer activities and approaches to engage them more with this. My English kids finally finished “Macbeth”- boy, were they glad to see him finally die! Now, it’s the final push for their research papers and a follow-up activity for “Macbeth” after they finish their tests.

This weekend has been good, very busy, but good. Friday started with a quick trip to Flying Saucer with a few other teachers- always fun to go and vent about the week, and be slightly inappropriate. Then, it was straight on to a concert with Sunshine at Minglewood. We saw the “Four on the Floor” show- so good! Can’t wait to go visit her in TX and meet a few of the guys, lol! Saturday morning, I went to Women’s Morning of Spirituality not really having a clue what it was. It was really good, saw lots of women I know, heard from some really good, touching speakers, and reflected on a number of things in my own life. Yesterday evening, I went to Mass in honor of Pepaw, and then Mom, Memaw, one of her friends, and I went to a nice dinner. After that, I went to Mom’s to look through old photos of Pepaw, and we ended up watching a movie. It was a rather emotional day, but one I needed I think. Okay, the rest of today’s blog has to do with Pepaw- it gets emotional, fair warning.

It has been five years since Pepaw passed away. Five years, but I can still remember it like it was just yesterday. I could focus on that day, and all the shitty days, weeks really- maybe months, that followed. I could remember all the tears, begging God to let me wake up from the bad dream, and just being too depressed to care about almost anything. I could remember the anger I felt, some shouting matches with my mom and brother, and constantly thinking that no one else got it, or really that no one else cared that much after the initial days had passed.

However, I would like to remember him. I remember when I was a little kid, he and my Memaw took me to Mass sometimes if Conor and I were staying the night with them. I loved going to Mass with them. They were almost always lectors or Eucharistic ministers which made me proud, and Pepaw helped with the altar servers. He would take me in the back, show me what everything was, where everything went, and what it all meant. And he would tell the servers what they needed to do- and they did it! I just thought he was the coolest.

I remember him teaching me the basics of algebra- school was always really important to him. I made the mistake of complaining once in pre-algebra about the material. Before I knew what was happening, he was sitting down with me making me learn the basics for that, and then we had to move on to algebra. I struggled, but I got it. I wasn’t a dumbass that day (inside joke).

I remember him taking to me to so many father-daughter functions. My dad moved to Colorado when I was nine, and it was hard for him to make it those when they had them. Pepaw was a wonderful substitute. He’d wear a suit (and one time a Western-themed outfit), and he’d pick me up, and we would go and have a good time- usually dancing. He would tell me about how it reminded him of when he got to do it with my mom when she was a kid. I loved hearing the old stories about when my mom was a kid. And when the night was over, he’d take me to Perkins, and we would split a hot fudge brownie.

I remember watching him dance with Memaw in their living room various times throughout my life. I remember his love of vanilla wafers (he would hate what I keep in that cookie jar now). I remember how he and Memaw took me to dinner when I was cancelled on for prom. I remember his love of things like “The Godfather” trilogy, Frank Sinatra, and “Stardust.” I remember how he repeatedly told me that he wouldn’t live past 65 (he made it to 79) in what I can only suspect was his way of preparing me for his death- no worries, though, he told me that you would get things from people when they died to help ease the pain (which is why I went around asking my parents and grandparents if I could have what I liked of theirs when they died, not morbid at all for 6 year old).

I can remember all of these things, and oh, so much more. And while there are still days where I cry about it, like yesterday and today, I am able more and more to remember him in happier moments. I like to think he’s proud of me- I hope he is anyway. I imagine he is enjoying watching all of his family down here and what we’re all doing and accomplishing with our lives. We love and miss him very much.

I am ending with a photo tribute to him and his memory. Enjoy :) (I know some of them are on their sides, just tilt your head because I can't figure out how to fix it. And no, they're not in chronological order.)

Pepaw with his four children when they were still very young.