Weight Loss for the Week: 0lbs
This week I upped my activity by walking every single day. I was more active with the kids at work too. I also didn't drink any soda during the week- primarily just water.
But my eating habits and food choices were, well, shitty this week. My schedule was a bit thrown due to teachers being out and covering breaks instead of taking my own most days. And while I loved getting off early, it meant eating next to nothing for lunch and ending up with a ton of points for the evening. And then, I gorged most days because I would be starving and ended up eating more than I should have for the end of the day. I also drank a few different nights this week which never helps with weight loss. And yesterday was pretty much a gorge fest for breakfast and dinner. Granted I didn't eat as much as I know I would have before starting Weight Watchers, I still ate more than I know I should have.
Like I said, it's all a process and it's also not terribly surprising that I just maintained the week after I lost 4lbs. I am going to pre-plan better this week by making my lunches and dinners for the week this afternoon/evening. I've already got a bunch of fruit cut up for breakfast and snacks so that I have healthier options for myself this week.
I'm starting to try to handle the break up more than I was last week when I was just in shock and crying a bunch. I'm hoping that helps with me not wanting to eat so much junk and sweets, etc. I still get sad and cry a little each day. I still miss him. I still get angry and confused and wonder how the hell it all really happened. But I'm also coming to terms with the fact that it just wasn't meant to be. It's not something I did or didn't do; it's not something he did or didn't do. It's that we tried and we didn't work and it was time to let it all go. And while I still won't magically be over it all just yet, I know I'm doing better to even realize these facts and to start processing everything instead of remaining numb or to keep wondering "What if?"
Now to see what the day and the week have in store for me :)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
June 17, 2012- I've Sure Enjoyed the Rain, But I'm Looking Forward to the Sun, You Have to Feel the Pain When You Lose the Love You Gave Someone
Sorry to have missed last week's post. Will explain.
Weight Loss for Last Week: 1.5lbs
Weight Loss for This Week: 4lbs
We'll do the previous week first. It was a pretty good week. I went without caffeine during the week for the first time in a really long time and had a lot more water instead. I went out a few times, friends were having parties and get togethers so lots of pre-figuring out what I could and wanted to eat to enjoy myself and stay on track. It worked fairly well and I only really splurged twice, once with a friend early in the week and once on a date.
This past week I know looks good for all the weight loss, but it wasn't a good week. My boyfriend broke up with me Monday night. That was part of why I didn't post last Sunday, we have been doing the talks that eventually led to the big talk and one was on Saturday night after our dinner. Last Sunday, I just didn't want to think about it and kept myself crazy busy with other projects, etc. I tried to avoid the internet because I knew I'd just sit looking at his Facebook page or something.
Monday came, I went over to his place and we talked about our issues for an hour and a half. At first, it seemed like he wanted to figure things out and I started to feel like maybe, just maybe, it would all work out. Then, the conversation began to turn. His focus became more about his main issue- a difference of religions. He's Jewish, I'm Catholic. He couldn't see how to guarantee it would work out. Neither could I. But I came up with idea after idea after idea and finally it occurred to me that he wasn't saying no to the ideas because they were bad or unhelpful. He was saying no because he didn't want to try. He was done, he was over our relationship. And that devastated me.
It's not that this issue was new to me. We've had this conversation before- that was the January issue. But I put so much effort and time in to this relationship and trying to work on this issue that it upset me, it pissed me off, it made me feel worthless that he was just done and in looking back had probably been done since February when we were both supposed to be trying to make it work but he never really tried. Not anything that I can think of in all truth.
Since that night, I have cried each day. I have had to remind myself that it's over when I wake up each morning. I have to keep from texting him. I can't let myself look at his Facebook profile. I try to make myself believe that it's his issue, not mine and that I'm not worthless even if I wasn't worth his time. I can't help but remember all the good times and then have to force myself to focus on his faults and our disagreements and try to think of reasons why it wouldn't have worked. I want his voice out of my head. I want to forget how it felt when he touched me or kissed me or hugged me. I want to close my eyes and not see his smile. I hate how funny things or good news makes me want to call him and share because then it feels less funny, less good when I remember that I can't. I just hate missing him. I'm just exhausted by all of these emotions. I'm numb half the time, crying a third of the time and working on moving on the rest of the time.
During this week of feeling so out of control, Weight Watchers really did help. My points and food were one of the few things I felt I had total control over, even though I didn't necessarily want to eat. It was routine, it was familiar and it was something I knew was good for me when the main part of the week wasn't good for me. I had days where I didn't use all my points and a few where I went well past them. I tried to be active, but mainly just went to friends homes to avoid crying in my bed all night. It's just a process. But I am thankful that I've been doing this for long enough now that I calculate points without giving it a second thought so I can work on staying on track through this trying time.
I did continue to go to work because staying home crying all day wasn't going to magically solve everything, it wasn't going to make him want to work on our relationship and it wasn't going to make me anything but sick. And that was probably for the best. My kids hugged me plenty, my colleagues were very nice and sympathetic and offered me advice and all. And going to work and focusing on the kids reminded me that I have other things in life to continue to focus on and that while my relationship with my ex was a big part of my life, it wasn't my whole life.
My friends and family have been awesome and supportive through all of this. They made sure I've been eating. They've let me cry, they've let me be angry, they've let me talk about other crap. And they've reminded me of all the horrible relationships they've been in over the years and how they survived, pulled through and moved on to bigger and better things.
I may not feel like I will be able to move on anytime soon, but their stories remind me that one day, I will. One day, I will find a man who will want to make time for me, to put forth the effort for me and to love me like I deserve to be loved. Until that day, I will continue to become the person I want to be- focusing on my lifestyle changes for my health, bettering my career, improving relationships with friends and family members and taking time each day to do something I love.
Weight Loss for Last Week: 1.5lbs
Weight Loss for This Week: 4lbs
We'll do the previous week first. It was a pretty good week. I went without caffeine during the week for the first time in a really long time and had a lot more water instead. I went out a few times, friends were having parties and get togethers so lots of pre-figuring out what I could and wanted to eat to enjoy myself and stay on track. It worked fairly well and I only really splurged twice, once with a friend early in the week and once on a date.
This past week I know looks good for all the weight loss, but it wasn't a good week. My boyfriend broke up with me Monday night. That was part of why I didn't post last Sunday, we have been doing the talks that eventually led to the big talk and one was on Saturday night after our dinner. Last Sunday, I just didn't want to think about it and kept myself crazy busy with other projects, etc. I tried to avoid the internet because I knew I'd just sit looking at his Facebook page or something.
Monday came, I went over to his place and we talked about our issues for an hour and a half. At first, it seemed like he wanted to figure things out and I started to feel like maybe, just maybe, it would all work out. Then, the conversation began to turn. His focus became more about his main issue- a difference of religions. He's Jewish, I'm Catholic. He couldn't see how to guarantee it would work out. Neither could I. But I came up with idea after idea after idea and finally it occurred to me that he wasn't saying no to the ideas because they were bad or unhelpful. He was saying no because he didn't want to try. He was done, he was over our relationship. And that devastated me.
It's not that this issue was new to me. We've had this conversation before- that was the January issue. But I put so much effort and time in to this relationship and trying to work on this issue that it upset me, it pissed me off, it made me feel worthless that he was just done and in looking back had probably been done since February when we were both supposed to be trying to make it work but he never really tried. Not anything that I can think of in all truth.
Since that night, I have cried each day. I have had to remind myself that it's over when I wake up each morning. I have to keep from texting him. I can't let myself look at his Facebook profile. I try to make myself believe that it's his issue, not mine and that I'm not worthless even if I wasn't worth his time. I can't help but remember all the good times and then have to force myself to focus on his faults and our disagreements and try to think of reasons why it wouldn't have worked. I want his voice out of my head. I want to forget how it felt when he touched me or kissed me or hugged me. I want to close my eyes and not see his smile. I hate how funny things or good news makes me want to call him and share because then it feels less funny, less good when I remember that I can't. I just hate missing him. I'm just exhausted by all of these emotions. I'm numb half the time, crying a third of the time and working on moving on the rest of the time.
During this week of feeling so out of control, Weight Watchers really did help. My points and food were one of the few things I felt I had total control over, even though I didn't necessarily want to eat. It was routine, it was familiar and it was something I knew was good for me when the main part of the week wasn't good for me. I had days where I didn't use all my points and a few where I went well past them. I tried to be active, but mainly just went to friends homes to avoid crying in my bed all night. It's just a process. But I am thankful that I've been doing this for long enough now that I calculate points without giving it a second thought so I can work on staying on track through this trying time.
I did continue to go to work because staying home crying all day wasn't going to magically solve everything, it wasn't going to make him want to work on our relationship and it wasn't going to make me anything but sick. And that was probably for the best. My kids hugged me plenty, my colleagues were very nice and sympathetic and offered me advice and all. And going to work and focusing on the kids reminded me that I have other things in life to continue to focus on and that while my relationship with my ex was a big part of my life, it wasn't my whole life.
My friends and family have been awesome and supportive through all of this. They made sure I've been eating. They've let me cry, they've let me be angry, they've let me talk about other crap. And they've reminded me of all the horrible relationships they've been in over the years and how they survived, pulled through and moved on to bigger and better things.
I may not feel like I will be able to move on anytime soon, but their stories remind me that one day, I will. One day, I will find a man who will want to make time for me, to put forth the effort for me and to love me like I deserve to be loved. Until that day, I will continue to become the person I want to be- focusing on my lifestyle changes for my health, bettering my career, improving relationships with friends and family members and taking time each day to do something I love.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
June 2, 2012- Are You Happy? Are You Satisfied? How Long Can You Stand the Heat?
Weight Loss for the Week: 1 pound
This has been a pretty decent week overall. It was only a four-day work week, which is always nice. My new co-lead was in with me for a few days and I think that's going to work out well. The kids were a little crazy, but they always are right when a change like that occurs. They'll calm down within the next few weeks. We did have a few birthdays this week, so extra junk food was at the ready in my room. I had some, like I said, we're Southern, you have to have some or else offend the parents. Fortunately they were mini cupcakes instead of the huge ones- so 2 points versus 6 points. The real issue was coming in the next morning and seeing all the leftovers, and having one before taking them into the kitchen. Live and learn.
I had also made Chicken Spaghetti for my lunches for the week- soooo tasty. It's a recipe my grandmother has made for years and I've always liked it. But wasn't sure how I could get it to work with Weight Watchers. I plugged in the recipe to the Recipe Builder and found out it wasn't too bad, only 7 points a serving. Also, I discovered I could increase the portion using some of my favorite vegetables, which are no points. Major score. And the vegetables make me love the dish even more than I used to.
I added a new walk to my routine this week. And it's 4.4 miles, which would have killed me at the beginning of this. Now, it's a bit long, but totally doable. And I have to admit, I love how sweaty I am by the end of it. Cause if you're not sweating, you're not doing it right, so I end up proud of being a hot, sweaty mess by the end of a walk or workout. I've done the walk twice this week and did a few shorter walks too. I know a few leg exercises to help with stamina. What I need to start factoring in and doing is some weight exercises to help tone my body. I keep hearing that if I don't do that, I will have a lot of sagging skin by the time I reach my ultimate goal. And that just sounds creepy and disgusting. So, guess I'll be looking into that, likely on one of my favorite sites- Pinterest.
Thank goodness for all the walking, because I definitely ate out more than I intended to this week. I thought I'd end up eating out maybe twice this week. I ate out five times. A few friends wanted to go out, my mom treated me to dinner and my guy and I went to Italian Fest. I did my best to eat healthy and portion control and for the most part did. I got salads three of the times. But one night with a friend was at our favorite pizza place- Memphis Pizza Cafe. And at Italian Fest, we sampled a lot of amazing food, and had a few drinks. It was all a lot of fun and frankly I'm sure I'd do it all the same way again if given the chance.
But I could tell I'm getting used to smaller portions. At Italian Fest, I had to walk around after eating because I felt so full. And that helped, plus it meant we got to look in all the booths and people watch like crazy. If you're ever in Memphis during the first weekend of June, you have to go to Italian Fest, lots of good food, fun activities for the kids, good bands, and various people selling their wares at their booths. Be warned that it is crazy crowded, and likely to be hot. Though this year the weather was amazingly cool for the weekend. Which was awesome.
Alright, onto the next week.
This has been a pretty decent week overall. It was only a four-day work week, which is always nice. My new co-lead was in with me for a few days and I think that's going to work out well. The kids were a little crazy, but they always are right when a change like that occurs. They'll calm down within the next few weeks. We did have a few birthdays this week, so extra junk food was at the ready in my room. I had some, like I said, we're Southern, you have to have some or else offend the parents. Fortunately they were mini cupcakes instead of the huge ones- so 2 points versus 6 points. The real issue was coming in the next morning and seeing all the leftovers, and having one before taking them into the kitchen. Live and learn.
I had also made Chicken Spaghetti for my lunches for the week- soooo tasty. It's a recipe my grandmother has made for years and I've always liked it. But wasn't sure how I could get it to work with Weight Watchers. I plugged in the recipe to the Recipe Builder and found out it wasn't too bad, only 7 points a serving. Also, I discovered I could increase the portion using some of my favorite vegetables, which are no points. Major score. And the vegetables make me love the dish even more than I used to.
I added a new walk to my routine this week. And it's 4.4 miles, which would have killed me at the beginning of this. Now, it's a bit long, but totally doable. And I have to admit, I love how sweaty I am by the end of it. Cause if you're not sweating, you're not doing it right, so I end up proud of being a hot, sweaty mess by the end of a walk or workout. I've done the walk twice this week and did a few shorter walks too. I know a few leg exercises to help with stamina. What I need to start factoring in and doing is some weight exercises to help tone my body. I keep hearing that if I don't do that, I will have a lot of sagging skin by the time I reach my ultimate goal. And that just sounds creepy and disgusting. So, guess I'll be looking into that, likely on one of my favorite sites- Pinterest.
Thank goodness for all the walking, because I definitely ate out more than I intended to this week. I thought I'd end up eating out maybe twice this week. I ate out five times. A few friends wanted to go out, my mom treated me to dinner and my guy and I went to Italian Fest. I did my best to eat healthy and portion control and for the most part did. I got salads three of the times. But one night with a friend was at our favorite pizza place- Memphis Pizza Cafe. And at Italian Fest, we sampled a lot of amazing food, and had a few drinks. It was all a lot of fun and frankly I'm sure I'd do it all the same way again if given the chance.
But I could tell I'm getting used to smaller portions. At Italian Fest, I had to walk around after eating because I felt so full. And that helped, plus it meant we got to look in all the booths and people watch like crazy. If you're ever in Memphis during the first weekend of June, you have to go to Italian Fest, lots of good food, fun activities for the kids, good bands, and various people selling their wares at their booths. Be warned that it is crazy crowded, and likely to be hot. Though this year the weather was amazingly cool for the weekend. Which was awesome.
Alright, onto the next week.
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